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senior year hasn’t even started yet and i already hate it.

i lost the election for choir treasurer to 2 girls who always talk about how much they hate choir.

i’ve wanted to be an officer since sophomore year. i love choir, it’s basically the only activity i do in school. it so fucking important to me and i just want to play a bigger role in it. i want to help ms. am. i want to take a few things off her to-do list. but we all know she’ll only ever ask officers to help. i lost to people who openly hate choir and ms. am. they didn’t even show up to help pack outfits before the trip or any other time really.

i already having trouble with my ap calc packet, which means i’m going to struggle through the course.

and for some reason, my stupid self decided to take it all year, which means the struggle will last 9 months and i don’t know if i can handle that mentally. 9 months of college level calculus on top of all my other classes.

worst of all, i got my updated gpa and rank today.

my gpa is 3.89. lower than the last time, again. but even worse than that is my rank

43

i hysterically sobbed as soon as i found out. i was ranked 13 after freshman year, and 26 after sophomore year. i never thought i would drop this much. i always said i was going to graduate in the top 20. let’s be real here, school was the only thing i was ever good at and now i’m shitty at that too. there’s no possible way i can jump up at least 23 spots to 20. it’s all because i never took ap courses god fucking dammit i hate myself why am i so fucking stupid jesus christ i’m probably going to be ranked even lower at the end of this year too

all i wanted to do was have a great senior year. be one of the choir treasurers and graduate in the top 20.

but that’s all been ruined because i’m a piece of shit human being

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